


leave a message at the beep

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Character Death, Death, Love, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:13:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29210934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Ever since Iwaizumi and Oikawa had parted ways after highschool, Iwa had regretted never confessing his feelings for him. Now that it's too late, he leaves messages on his best friends phone, hoping that somehow, it was all a dream and somehow, he'd get the chance to tell Oikawa the truth.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Kudos: 5





	leave a message at the beep

_Hey Tooru._

_I wish I had told you how I felt before you left. I’m not sure why I didn’t. It isn’t that I thought it was impossible for you to like me back. I mean, I really did think there was a chance. I thought we had a chance. I think I was just scared. And honestly, I also just liked how we were. I got comfortable and I think I didn’t want to say anything that would risk what we had._

_You know, you always said those stupid flirty things to me and then just laughed them off. I know I never said things like that back and I know I just complained about it, but it was because they always made my heart stop. For just a second, every single time, I’d think, did he mean that? Is he being serious? But then you’d let out your stupidly obnoxious giggle or send some stupid emoji and my heart would start beating again. It was just Oikawa being Oikawa, I’d think. Sometimes I didn’t believe that you were joking. And, looking back, I still don’t believe you were, but maybe that’s just the part of me that’s hopelessly in love with you wishing for a miracle._

_Tooru, you were my best friend. I looked to you whenever anything happened. I thought about you constantly; when I laughed, when I cried, when I was lonely, when I was tired; when I ate, when I practiced, when I studied. No matter how I felt, no matter what I did, you were all that I thought about. Everything made me think of you. You were everywhere._

_The worst part is that, for so long, I thought it was normal. I thought that’s just what best friends were like, just how they felt about each other. But if we were truly just best friends, why was I so upset when you got a girlfriend? Why did I feel such a huge weight lifted off my shoulders when she dumped you? Why, while I was comforting you the night that that happened, was I secretly so indescribably happy, even though you were crying? Was it because she ate up so much of the little bit of free time you had on the weekends? Was it because I missed the stupid videos you got off twitter that you’d send me because you just send them to her instead? Or was it because she was taking the guy I loved away from me?_

_I think we both know the answer._

_I never told you this but I considered going to Argentina with you. Obviously, I realized how stupid that sounded, but the thought of you leaving me, of us not being together, was unbearable. You were the only person I wanted to spend my time with but all of a sudden, you were going to be across the world from me. I think the day you told me that you were planning to leave Japan sometime soon after highschool is the day I decided to go to college abroad. I couldn’t stay here, surrounded by things that reminded me of you. All the streets we walked together, the places we ate, the school where I fell in love with you. None of it meant anything if you weren’t there. And, as stupid as it sounds, I thought that, even if you were travelling to a new country, at least we’d be able to come back and visit these places together sometime. I wish we had, at least once. I know it’s too late and there’s no point regretting the fact that we didn’t, but if I could trade the rest of my life just for one day back in Miyagi, with you, I would. I’d do it without hesitation._

_I’m sorry I never said anything. I’m sorry I was so scared. If I promised to tell you now, if I promised to tell you that I love you, would you come back to me? You already left me once. Why did you have to leave me again? I miss you._

Iwaizumi’s hand hovered over his phone, his other hand cradling it like it was the most precious thing in the world. Should he just delete the message? The numbers displayed on his screen told him that he had rambled on for three and a half minutes and counting, even though he felt like it had been hours. Iwa shook his head, smashing his thumb against the red ‘end call’ button. He tossed his phone aside and it landed on his carpeted floor with a thud. He wrapped his arms around his knees, which he had pulled up to his chest, and buried his head in them. The alarm clock set on a table across the room from him read 2:23 am, but it didn’t matter what time it was to him. He’d been leaving these stupid messages on Oikawa’s phones for days, so many that he had lost count. As embarrassed as he felt about it, what did it matter? Iwa was almost certain no one would listen to them and they were the only thing that relieved the tight fist clenched around his heart. 

Moonlight from the open window streamed into Iwaizumi’s dorm room, stopped just short of his feet. He’d been sitting on the floor for hours, feeling no motivation to move. His roommate had left long ago. After all, it was a Saturday night. It was only natural for college kids to be out partying on days like this. A week or two ago, Iwaizumi would be doing the same thing. However, things have changed since then. Stupid things like college parties or socializing with people he hardly cared about just seemed so inconsequential. The only person he wanted to see was Oikawa. No one else could fill the void within him like he could. 

Iwa eventually picked his head up and leaned it back against the wall behind him, stretching his legs out. He reached over to pick up his phone from where he had thrown it and unlocked it, swiping to his photo app. He tapped on the album labelled Shittykawa and began swiping through the dozens of pictures within it, his eyes growing glassy. Iwa stopped on one, a selfie that Oikawa had stolen his phone to take on the last day of high school, after the graduation ceremony. He let his finger trail over the screen, his eyes intensely studying every detail about the picture—Oikawa’s slightly messy hair, his smile, the crinkling at the corner of his eyes. Iwaizumi had memorized every single thing about his best friend’s face but even still, every time he saw it, he was awestruck like it was the first time. 

Tears began falling from his eyes, landing on his phone in big, wet splotches. He hurriedly wiped the screen, silently telling himself to get a grip. Iwa looked up at the ceiling of his dorm room, trying to stop himself from crying more. This past week had felt like a nightmare. Every waking moment was torture and all his time sleeping was spent immersed in dreams about Oikawa. They were never happy dreams. 

Iwaizumi looked back down at his phone, his hands slightly trembling. 

“It’s not real, right?” he muttered. Of course, he knew it was. Every night since that night, he had said the same thing. It wasn’t real. It couldn’t be real. Just 9 days ago, he had seen Oikawa’s face on his phone screen, heard his voice. They had talked about...what had they talked about? Iwa desperately wracked his brain but it was like his memory had been completely wiped of that call. Hands trembling even more, he went to his camera roll, squinting at the first photo to pop up. It was a screenshot taken 8 days ago of a news article. Someone had sent it to him and because the text was almost too small to read, he had saved the picture to zoom in but the headline was big enough that he could see it regardless.

_Two dead and eighteen injured in plane crash containing Argentinian professional volleyball team._

That couldn’t be right. There had to be a mistake, didn’t there? And yet, every time Iwa zoomed in on that godforsaken picture, there, in the second paragraph, was the name of his best friend—was the name of the man he was in love with. 

“Two were confirmed dead when responders first arrived on the scene, one Tooru Oikawa, member of….” Iwa’s pained voice trailed off. His eyes scanned the beginning of that sentence over and over again. How many times had he read it? A hundred? A thousand? Every time he started from the beginning, he expected it to change. He had to just be misreading, or maybe the author of the article was misinformed. And yet, he knew they weren’t.

Iwa had gotten calls from countless people, all equally shocked about the news. At some point, he just stopped picking up. All of these people feeling so grief stricken over Oikawa’s death only served to further cement its finality in his brain, and that was the last thing he wanted. Iwaizumi knew that none of those phone calls would be from Oikawa. He knew that every time his phone lit up, the notification was going to be from someone other than the one person he actually wanted to. He knew that the dozens of embarrassingly long voice mails he had left on Oikawa’s phone would go unheard by him forever. But even still, sitting alone in the dark in a cramped dorm in a country that he couldn’t call home, Iwa refused to actually accept these facts. He let his eyes, heavy with grief and a deep exhaustion that seemed to run through his very bones, fall shut, feeling himself being pulled into sleep. As his thoughts grew hazy and his body relaxed, one last thought drifted through his mind before he let himself succumb.

_I should have told you I loved you before it was too late._


End file.
